What the f**k ?!?

i hope..

one day katy perrys firework will blow her up -.- she’s annoying as fuck !!!

if youre ever going to read this….: océane it’s ok because of summer and im not angry because of that or feel really bad…i only feel bad because you dont talk to me anymore.. !! SHIT I LOVE YOU !!!! you are my twinny and even if we wont stay friends… we will stay twins  4 ever.. you know that ?? XD if i did something wrong just tell me.. i will try to change it. and maybe we can change the reason why you cant come to germany.. whats if i would go to france and stay at a hotel or something …would that be ok?? and if we wont personally see its ok too… i just dont wanna lose you … i will never find someone like you again !!! so PLEASE talk to me !!! 

dont read this today..cause its your b-day and i dont wanna destroy it..

im sitting in my room…my door is locked with this fucking key laying next to me. im crying!! my mom is cooking in the kitchen..i dont know if i just grab my keys in a few seconds and run away!!! this is seriously one of the worst days of my life.

why?

1. i didnt sleep for 2 complete days now.. cause i have nightmares about those motherfuckers who are bullying me in school..(im different, i dont have a fucking louis vuitton bag, no fucking iphone, i listen to punk rock and not to their fucking katy perry, i dont take fucking drugs, i didnt fuck any random boy yet, im not fucking pregnant, i have purple hair, i dont wear fucking adidas or hollister/a&f to get friends…etc.) 
2. my mother is a ticking bomb.. i dont know whats wrong but she tells me since 11.00 what i do wrong, that i shouldnt shout at her…etc.!! BUT WHAT SHOULD I DO?? IF SOMEONES SHOUTING AT ME..I SHOUT BACK!!!!
3. i met alina …and i dont know whats wrong with her but something changed her…shes not the person she was before holidays..!! i dont know…
4. i still cant do this fucking exchange 
5. the weather is fucking grey..as my life is..
6. its your bd and i havent finished a fucking present for you yet.
7. i have a 5 in my maths test… (in french i guess its 6/20 points..maybe less…just REALLY REALLY BAD)
8. i just dont feel like anybody of those people around me understand me!! i know that you would do..you are the only one with whom i can talk…and who agrees 100%…but you are FUCKING 700km far away —’
9. i have to clean up my room cause alina will sleep here today..as i told you…(i met her earlier today..but she had to go to her fucking sports so she will come back in 1h)
10. i have to finish fabians fucking bd present because we will go on his bd tomorrow…

I’m from Germany. It’s blocked here because of the GEMA (Sony,Universal,EMI,Warner and co pays them). This Mafia wants 0,12€ per view of Youtube/Google and our government let us down. You know: companies are more important than the freedom and rights of people-.-. All VEVO Videos are blocked. And Videos like this that uses music getting blocked immediately. It’s sad, when you have to use a proxy to share comments with the world while neighbouring countries are “free”. 

I just read that on Youtube :( I guess that’s why you can’t watch VEVO videos too.. It sucks ! (Océane)

I KNOW -.- and i do have this “proxy“ so i can watch them too now…but its illegal -.- (Mona)

deleting him xD

sooo… the thing is .. i couldnt stand it writing with him on fb it has made everything wors, because, since we started talking again i cant stop thinking about him..and i dont WANT to think about him.. so i told him that i couldnt do that.. that i couldnt text with someone i dont wanna know..with someone who would distroy the positiv aspects of him and our relationship..!! and that i cant stop thinking of him when i have news of him everyday in my textbox…this whole writing thing wasnt a good idea.. so i told him and deleted him now again and forEVER !!! (Mona)

I can understand..  And i hope he can do the same !! I think he definitely hurted you too much to act like nothing happened.. by the way, i think i’ll soon creat a new fb account.. I can’t stand seeing people who said shit about me or hurted me (best friend and so on..) I need some kind of new start !

(Océane)

i think i will do it too maybe…because of the one who was one my account —’ (Mona)

chatting with him…

1. SOOOO…. he answered me….he said sorry..and he told me that he really wanna be friends with me again…!!!! i excepted his “sorry“… cause i thought it would be childish to be enemies for the rest of my life. because of being friends i told him: we can talk../chat sometimes… but we will never get friends again cause i don’t want it because he changed into someone i really cant be friends with…He said: oh…mh..okay…but maybe if we talk you will like me again…?? i didn’t answered for that (i felt stupid explaining someone again and again that hes shit) so i said : we will talk … so we started chatting… we didnt talk much..and i just answered his question and didn’t show him any interest… so .. it was getting like:

1. Him: how are you?

     Me: fine

    Him: what do you do?

    Me: chatting …obviously -.-

1. AAAAND SO ON … why i thought talking a bit would be a good idea: cause in fact…to be honest… i never got over it… and im sure a part of me will ALWAYS love him… no..not him that would be wrong… the person he WAS before…the person that doesn’t exist anymore —’ (Mona)